Sunday, October 18, 2009

Drive My Soul

Today, I decided to take a walk around my yard. It's a tad cold out, for October, but I felt the need to exercise those stumps I call legs.
As I walked, and drank my delicious tea, I started to think about human beings. We are such fascinating creatures, as a species, but as individuals we are even more so. If you stop to think about it, every single person on this planet is on a different path than you. There is no one out there who likes every singly thing you like, no one who has done exactly the same things you have done. But all these paths we take are winding and colliding and connecting all the time. Every person that you meet or speak to has had their own path changed because of you. These people who try so hard to be "original" and "unique" don't realize that they were born that way. Every living creature in existence is original and unique.
This was the line of thought I was on when I noticed some birds flittering about in the bushes. I stopped to watch them as they moved, and my thoughts took another turn: how intricate and detailed every organism is. The bird I was watching, a spunky little chickadee, was as complex as rocket science. Every little feather made up of little cells made up of more cells, all working together to form a shape that works with other shapes and pieces to make that little bird fly and live. It can make my head ache after a while, but it's an ache well-appreciated. I don't understand how people can look at all that, know all the things that science has explained to us, and not believe in God, in a higher power. There is such wonder in every little thing that lives, such complexity, it had to have been designed by the most careful and loving of hands.
All this thinking makes me feel so silly when I get wrapped up in myself and my problems. I shouldn't be so worried. There's a whole universe of worriers out there, though, all doing the same thing as me: running along, trying to get where they think they need to be, not stopping to realize that this life is the only one they're given. I think we should all stop, at least once in a while, and think about how big and amazing this planet is, this universe is, and be grateful that God gave us the life we live. For after all, isn't it life itself that drives the soul?

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Real Life: So It Begins

Goodness, I haven't posted in ages! I feel like I've been neglecting a pet. Well, much has changed for me in the past few months: got a job, quit a job, started college, realized I hate it. That's essentially where I am now.
I started college with the best intentions and high hopes. Now here I am, completely miserable and ready to give up entirely. It's been nothing but a nightmare for me since week 1. I think the biggest problem is the program I am in: graphic designer, I am not. I can't live with all these measurements and lines and angles. It's too ordered, too perfect. I need a little chaos in my life. I've discovered that I live on it, it's a huge part of me. There's no point in trying to make everything perfect, it's obviously not going to happen, so why not learn to love the imperfections? Isn't that what makes us all human, all different?
I've been trying to decide what to change my major to, and I've so far come up with film studies or creative writing. Good options, no doubt, but I have another problem: I hate it here. I hate the towns, I hate the land, I hate the cars, I hate the dirt, I hate most of the people's rotten attitudes towards one another, I hate the small-mindedness of it all. It makes me so angry I could scream. I just want out!
So now I come to the fork in the road: do I stay and make my life in this little podunk nothing of a place? or do I run for it and fly as far as my wings will take me? I think I already know my own answer. Now I just need to get my feathers in order.