Saturday, April 12, 2008

Life, Love, and the Turbulence Therein

Life can be a funny thing. Some times it's really great and you don't know how it got that way, but you love it anyhow. Other times, you're so confused and frustrated that you begin to wonder if there's any point to it all. But no matter what, you have to keep on living. Because the moment you give up on life is the moment that you betray yourself. I have come to learn this through so many not so wonderful experiences that can really break you down. But I've also learned that the key to surviving these experiences is to feel what you feel at that moment, in that time, and then just let it go and keep moving. That's really all you can do, because holding on to anger and hate and emotions of the like does nothing but give you a sour expression and constapation. Trust me, I've seen it.
There's another funny thing that goes along with life. It's called love. I don't know a whole lot about true or even fleeting love firsthand, but there is one love that I know plenty about. It's unrequited, or unreturned, love. That's the sucky kind. I've been there and done that. There are only three guys I've ever really fallen for. The first is one whom, I still believe to this day, was probably my best match. But right at the exact moment when I was going to drop my guard and bear all, he pulled out a dagger and unknowingly sliced my heart open: he told me he was in love with my friend. Ouch. They're still together, and if he ever by any slim chance decided to dump her and ask me out, I'd accept without question.
The second guy was an almost identical situation. I'd known him for a while, and had some strong feelings that I decided must be for him. I was thiiiiis close to once again expressing myself when he told me alll about this girl he really liked. Ouch for the second time. But, I later realized that us being an item wouldn't have worked so well. We were just too close as friends.
The third guy was actually more of a case of severe lust than love. He was amazing, gorgeous, sexy, the best-looking guy I'd ever seen in real life. We didn't talk a whole lot, but whenever we did, I'd get so nervous that I would just clam up and say almost nothing. Yay for me. However, I entertained thoughts of us dating, and it was a pleasant time for me, regardless of my lack of social charisma. That is, it was pleasant until I saw him making out with another girl. That was dream-crushing at it's finest. After a while, I decided that he and I wouldn't have worked out either. Such is life.
So now I'm wondering, was that it? Was that my 'three times the charm'?It's hard to tell what the rules are on the three times thing. Does it only count if you actually dated? Did you have to be engaged? Or is it very possibly just some stupid phrase that you should ignore? Who knows. One such as me can only hope that love has not yet given up on this quiet soul. For that indeed would be a tragedy of life.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Fallen star
Child of the night
Lover of the sky
Shard of broken hearts
Hiding tears
Blood scourer
Come, let me be free