Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Summer "Activities'

Ah, how time flies when you're having fun! Or some other nonsense like that. So far, summer has been busy, but uneventful. Constantly running here and there, to and fro, but never really DOING anything. Today was no exception. After shopping with my mother and my best friend, I came home to that most horrid of tasks, second only to dish-washing: mowing the jungle, er, lawn. Now before I proceed to tell you of my wonderfully boring chore, let me explain something about my lawn: it is the size of a foot ball field, and as bumpy and uneven as a box of potatoes. I would just love to have one of those postage-stamp-sized lawns that you can finish in 12 minutes with a push mower. But no, my lawn is the most horrendous, gnarly, giant lawn imaginable. And as if that weren't enough, there are trees everywhere. Not cute, little trees with spindly branches that stretch towards the sky and beg children to climb them, oh no. These are tall, ghastly trees of pine with branches that stoop to the ground and reach for you like a thousand prickly tentacles. Nasty things, they are. So I get on the mower today and begin my wonderful obstacle course with the brightest of hopes(sort of). At first, all seems to go well. I start with the front lawn and it is not quite as horrible as usual. Until. As I finish with the septic area and cruise happily towards the elms, I am suddenly disrupted by the attempt of some creature to jar my teeth out of my very skull. I look about, shocked, and it takes me a moment to realize that some bonehead has made humongous ruts in our front yard, deep enough to swallow a child, but thankfully not wide enough. And so, each time as I go over these trenches, I am thrown to and fro in my driver's seat, my head flopping like a rag doll on a roller-coaster. Once this torture is over, I move on to the back yard, another nightmare. There are ruts in the back yard as well, and low-hanging apple trees that attempt to snatch you bald as you drive beneath them. But there are a few changes to it this year: The old fire pit has been effectively removed, some bonehead has placed a camper in the middle of everything, and another bonehead has parked their truck directly in the path of my mowing course. Needless to say, I had to make many adjustments to my usually direct shoot. When I was finally finished, I took great pleasure in being crabby to everyone, and sitting in front of the TV, eating my dinner and watching one of my many favorite programs, undisturbed. Now it is off to bed, and then to Ohio. Farewell, dear friends, and I shall attempt to remember to let you know if I come back with complete sanity, or, God help me, a restraining order. Ta-ta!